30 - Hip Hip Hooray

So peeps of the 'no more in our 20's'

I have made it - i have made it 2 my 30's & dare i say (yes we all know it's early days), but i am loving it....U know how when u r younger & peeps ask u if u feel different on ure b-day & how u almost always say, 'no i still feel the same as i did yesterday'.....well, when i woke up on the morning of my b-day.....i truly felt different.

I think this is also due 2 the fact that i have been looking very 4ward 2 my 30th 4 quite some time now...I have a tendency 2 set milestones and these r usually set around the time of my upcoming b-day (whichever one it is at the time) & the milestones 4 this b-day, well lets just say...i made all the right choices @ all the wrong times b4 my b-day and now......i make the right ones...

Naturally i am sure i will still knock my head here & there - after all, i am human and i am still learning as i go along, but the main concerns i had in my life has been, well eliminated - 2 the extend that i have no more negative influences in my life, apart from the negativity i inflict upon myself and 4 that i will take full responsibility.

There were a few obstacles i have been trying 2 overcome over the past few months & 4 some reason i could just not cross over the border of 'right & wrong'...At the same time, people have a misconception with regards 2 what is right and what is wrong and quite frankly - all of me was wrong most of the time...What is wrong for one, might be right for someone else - so a personal assessment would be needed in making this assumption an actual fact...I was making dumb mistakes based on emotion only, which caused major implications on my life & that is unacceptable...If u make decisions and the outcome is positive - then - awesome!!! But if u know that u r making the worse decision ever & then u still continue down the path of 'donkey-knock-head-against-wall', well really now...

So i woke up on the morning of my b-day and this is what i have found -

• i do know what i what
• i do know where i am going
• i do love attention and rightfully so
• i do deserve only the best
• i do underestimate myself way too much

Strangely i knew all of this before my b-day. With the stamp of 30 though, angels began to sing and i saw bright lights and 'ping' it made sense...Its not about others, its not about them or what they want or what you need to try and be to make them happy...It is really all about you!!!!! (me - you know what i mean) - lol.....

So yes, to some i may appear to now be selfish, rude and vain....but to me and i am 'putting myself first', 'to the point' and 'comfortable in my skin'...And that is what matters....

Insecurities - where? Confusion - say what? People pleaser - no more!!!!!

I love me and i love who i have grown into - the best part of all of this is.....it only gets better and i get to grow more and more and more into who i am.....

Loving it and yes, u do know u still love me ;-)

xoxo

Set Adrift....

People of the Creative World....

She steps out from her spiderweb intertwined home and gently walks across the soft and lush moss covering the age old tree limbs that extent from where she blossoms. Her hair, silver and gold strands brushes down her soft back and trails down her fair yet well formed legs, draping onto the splinter filled bark surrounding her whereabouts. Her eyes, crystal blue embedded with stars from all the galaxies known, delves into every stare she encounters and absorbs the pure essence thereof, leaving nothing unseen.

She tapers her way down the limbs towards the bottom of the Willow and plants herself onto the moist grass, giggles as it tickles her and jumps right back up again. Briefly she scans her surroundings. She hears a flutter of wings and waits in anticipation as her loyal companion jots across the sky and takes his well deserved placed next to her.

She smiles as she lays her hand on the wings of her beautiful purple and green Butterfly. She feels the soft brush of his weaved works of art attached to his body and immediately jumps onto him. He feels her excitement and with the bat of an eye, flutters his wings and lifts off the ground with a 'whoosh'.

She giggles and laughs and feels the wind against her skin. Her hair flapping behind her like a veil of metals weaved into a wave of gleaming colours. Again she scans her surroundings and sees the green valley below with different shades of greens like a blanket of leaves from every season. Some spots of bright colour jumps out at her as the sees the Daffodil fields and the Petunia gardens...Purples and Yellows and shades of Red envelope her senses as the blue from the surrounding cool streams enhance the heat of the colours by dashingly cooling them down.

Again she giggles as the colours dance before her eyes and her wild knack for inventing more than a crazed imagination takes over as she hears the colours, prancing and swaying and laughing. She brushes the head of her Butterfly and directs him to view what she sees. He smiles and nods and understands her childlike ways all to well.

All excited she begins to feel her heart climb from her chest into her throat and finally almost in her mouth as she voices out, 'iceberg ahead' - she smiles as the peaks open a new world to her. Beautiful shades of Grey topped off with crisp white snow yodels to her and sends sensational tingles from her heart in her mouth to her tippy toes.

Butterfly dashes from left to right and left again as to not be victim of becoming a Popsicle in mid air. He has no concern for her as he knows she is well prepared...Her skin turns to a slight shade of dusted pink, enhanced with soft beams of glitter. She has an extra layer protecting her from harsh conditions and uses it as often as needed. She feels no cold, due to extreme excitement and continues to gulp down all around her...

'Such beauty we are surrounded by' she thinks...'Such infinite beauty dressed in infinite possibilities...'

She has seen the world for what it is. She has used her senses as intended. She has made use of companionship with mutual respect. She has adapted to her environment and not seen it as a negative aspect that the world is not always as accommodating as we hope and want it to be...

She rocks.... So yes that is my basic idea. We all travel and we all meet this one and that one and have the chance to go here and there, but we all seem to forget about the actual building blocks of it all. We have been given senses for a reason - sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing and of course the one we almost never acknowledge 'our sixth sense'.

How did we get so caught up in all around us that we have forgotten the basics? How did we get so busy dreaming big, that we have not seen the reality of dreams in smaller ways around us? How did we forget to be nice? Forget to smile? Forget to give? Forget to be thankful? How did we end up so conformed....?

I have become busy and crazily occupied with meaningless nonsense, but i found her inside, i found the thought of her travels deep inside my heart and mind - which simply means....deep down...the finer and most important things are lingering....lingering to be acknowledge again and lingering to rise to the surface....Childlike? Why the heck not....Fun? Most definitely.....Well chosen? At last......

You know you love me, rabbling and all

x0x0

Now is the Time...

People of the Clock…

There is something we all hope for - happily ever after, but truly….There is no happily ever after. And why, because people are unpredictable and ‘happily ever after’ are never-changing….People are all different, people all change their minds and people all evolve as individuals. So how can you be guaranteed of a happily ever after if life is ever-changing…? You can't. You have to kind of make do with what you are given at any moment in time and make the best of that moment. You have to be present with where you are at and not contemplate yesterday or tomorrow, because you will end up missing out on now.

Now is truly what matters is it not? Now is what you should be focusing on, else with worrying about tomorrow and yesterday, you miss out on, well life….

In order to make the best of what you have I feel you need to be present, present at that moment in time. Where you are not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, but where you are making note of everything you are feeling at that moment, right there and then.

We tend to lose out on so many experiences due to pre-empting about tomorrow or regretting yesterday. Many say they don't have any regrets, but really now – if you think about what you should have done yesterday and that you should have done it differently – that would qualify as a regret.

Nothing is suppose to be simple, but if you focus on now instead of the other, then it is simple. Simplicity is by de-cluttering and that is what you do when you mind is not hovering on ‘what if’ and ‘when’? By really being present you are focusing on just that.

Misconceptions are created by being misinformed due to lack of experience and too much TV…Soapies for example – POISON I tell you….Yes, we all know it’s not real and we all know its over dramatized, however watch it enough and you will feel the want that the woman has waiting on the pier as her lover arrives, or feel the intensity of the first kiss over a candle lit dinner in a cabin with no electricity due to the everlasting storms they have.

That is negative manipulation dressed as dreams….Well eventually they are anyway…Anyone who watches long enough gets hooked and that is that; even men.

Being present is being honest with not only yourself but being true to others as well. What is the point of listening to someone attentively one moment and the next you are going through your shopping list for later the day. Focus and listen, absorb and dissolve. Take in what is given to you and appreciate the sharing between some and others.

Here is being present and focusing on now….

You know you love me, present and all

xoxo

I love u, i do.... :-)

Peeps of the Past

Why is it that some people just can't pass through your system...I'm pretty stuck on a thought to be honest...You see (and i have written about this person before), but i think i am still well in love with my past...

There are those little occurrences that i just can't seem to shake. Walks on the beach, making love under the stars, love notes and sneaky meetings in public bathrooms and bus stops - (why, cause we could... :-)

So he moves in and out of my life when fate feels its needed and yes, whenever he pops back up, i welcome it...However, when will i let go and move on? Or, when will it come to a point of well, decision really?

There is a reason for all and i am fully aware of that and that is great - i would just really like to know when the time will be right? Mmmm, perhaps the time will be right once i have resolved a few of my own issues or when he has resolved some of his issues.

12 years - that is how long he has been in my life and every time our contact is rekindled, well its like yesterday. Its like we were never apart - like the time between us, the distance between us has always been bridged with what we share on every meeting.

So, yes, we are not together and yes i have not seen him yet, but i know i will - its building up to that again and i know that when i do see him....it will be a test again of whether the time is right again, or not...And then if its not, we will go our separate ways again and when the time aligns again we will meet again...Such is life and its okay.

I am patient with the process for i know that i am not ready currently - close but no cigar as yet...

I must admit though - i have never had much luck in love and people have come in and out of my life for ages now (feels like a few lifetimes really), but if there is one man that has always had a huge (if not the whole) part of my heart, its been him...There has been many encounters of love and so on and every one that has crossed my path has brought something to my life - at times not something good, but valuable lessons indeed. I have loved and lost, but in the core of my heart....in the core - well he is there, waiting, smiling, loving with arms wide open...

The passion, the connection, the affection, the love...the understanding and consideration. It has always been there and it has always been stronger than before...Eruption is bound to happen eventually. So, rush i will not, procrastinate i will not, but enjoy the next encounter i surely will.

Time is a ticking and he has the battery to my heart. Can anyone else match up? I don't think so...Maybe its another lesson and perhaps we will not be as my dreams hope, but then a valuable lesson is surely hiding behind those blue eyes of his...And i will be happy with whatever is meant to be pertaining to my past love....

So, feeling like a school girl with regards to him, yes. Butterflies still, yes....Fear, of course...Timing, hope so.....

So Peeps of the Past - a past love, a past flame that has never died but rekindled over and over....Mmmmm, I'm sure we have all had those :-)

You know you love me with sand on my feet and butterflies in my chest

xoxo